Most days I lie alone in a dark room with a heating pad on my back and feet in the warm glow of the TV. I have chronic migraine and several other conditions that leave me in pain every day of my life. When I was younger it was easier to push through pain to get out of my home and experience life with my loved ones. Since being hit with Long COVID, and chronic migraine because of that, not much of my life happens outside the walls of my home.

I am very used to solitude because I’ve always preferred to be alone when in pain. And solitude has never left me feeling scared or empty. But the feeling of loneliness slowly began to infuse itself into my life more and more over the past several years because of the severity of my pain. For me loneliness is much different than solitude. It is a deep feeling of missing out on things going on around me. It is a sorrow for the life I’ve lost to chronic pain. It is a desire that I cannot fill because of the restrictions my body has placed on me.

But I have made progress in my feeling of loneliness.

When lonely and isolated, I am allowed to sit with my thoughts. And sometimes it’s terrifying. But sometimes I come up with great ideas as to what I want to do next in my life and get to daydream about what tomorrow might bring. I get to have the opportunity to slow down, (well be forced to slow down,) and pause and reflect. I get to have time to deeply think about what impact I want to have on the world, what relationships I want to invest in, and what things I want to experience.

Loneliness can be terrifying because you just never know if anyone outside of those you talk with regularly even remember that you exist. It came to a point where just simply being lonely was something that I didn’t want to lean into anymore. I began to push through my isolation and loneliness and turned to the easiest way for me to connect while having chronic pain—the internet.

I slowly began to overcome my isolation and loneliness by seeking out connection with other patients in online support groups and participating in patient advocacy with nonprofits. I’ve gotten to meet so many amazing people and hear so many fantastic stories of resilience of the human spirit. And this has helped me to feel less lonely. It has allowed me to connect again with my community without having to deny my chronic pain.

Through the loneliness and isolation that comes with chronic pain, I have always eventually found a way out. I know every chronic pain patient can, it’s just a matter of fighting to overcome the sometimes overwhelming sadness that comes with loneliness and reaching out in any way you feel comfortable to connect with your community.