I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, neuropathy and a host of other pain related diagnoses.

After years of being chronically underserved by the western medical system, I decided to take my pain management into my own hands and haven’t looked back. No one, I realized, is more invested in my well-being than I am.

Part of my self-care became swimming/water exercise five days a week. In adopting an aquatic regiment for myself, I came to realize that many of us who have chronic pain issues seek the healing power of water. I have met and am happy to call friends many wonderful souls at my chosen community pool.

Two such amazing souls are a woman with CRPS and her partner and long-time caregiver. We talk about all sorts of things during our time together and they have spent a lifetime advocating for those in pain who much like myself, have been failed by the western medicine system.

Recently as we were chatting we got on the topic of isolation and pain. She shared that she experienced throughout her life severe isolation and often depression due to her chronic pain and need to care for herself. “Have you,” she asked, “experienced isolation and depression as a result of pain?” This question gave me a moment’s pause. I had to think on it and it occurred to me, that for me, it went the other way around.

My pain came from isolation, depression, anxiety, and a complete lack of autonomy. You see, I was diagnosed with all of my issues while serving the Army. At the time I was in an emotionally abusive marriage as well as being a full time soldier. I went from grueling days following orders to a home where I was forced into isolation by my then husband and his complaints that I had dragged him away from his life, his friends, his dreams, all to be with me. He demanded that I spend all available time on him and his needs.

I never got to make choices for myself. As a soldier, you cannot say no to an order. As a wife, I had been taught my job was to be subservient to my husband (due to a religious upbringing I no longer adhere to.) I spent nearly a year without the ability to make choices for myself, berated on all fronts for not being “enough.” Not a good enough soldier, not a good enough wife. Panic attacks set in, and then came the pain.

My body began to express itself to me the only way it knew how – severe, chronic pain. Everything hurt. It hurt to move, it hurt to rest, it even hurt to breathe at times. Thankfully I was able to utilize the army’s resources at hand and was enrolled in a two week intensive outpatient therapy program to help manage my near mental breakdown. I sought doctors to see what was wrong with my body as well. Then came the diagnoses: the fibromyalgia, the neuropathy, the severe arthritis (I was 21 at the time.) I was given a full medical board and retired out of the military as “physically unable to be a soldier.”

The best advice I received during this time was by a very kind surgeon. “Move somewhere warm and dry and do your best to keep stress to a minimum.”

I wholeheartedly believe that my pain was a direct result of my isolation. I felt trapped, alone and unable to find a way out. I thought I’d just soldier through and eventually everything would turn out ok. My body, in its infinite wisdom, let me know otherwise. Changes needed to be made in order for the pain to abate.

I am happy to report that the needed changes have been made. I am very happily divorced, have an amazingly wonderful partner and family, I own my own small yet comfortably successful business.

Pain is still a part of my day to day life but to a much lesser degree. Thanks in large part, I believe, to my taking back control of my life and actively participating in my chosen communities.

Each of us should hold dear, and protect our autonomy. This is an integral part of our wellness journey and an oft overlooked key component of managing pain.