Many times I have asked myself this… Having developed RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) from an auto accident over eight years ago, I have often been plagued by the thought, “Is this just in my head or is it coming from my body?” Imagine having an invisible illness that does not always show up on tests and most doctors do not even know what it is. There is a great degree of comfort though knowing that it is recognized by NORD (National Organization of Rare Disorders) and by the NIH (National Institute of Health), yet when you have RSD you are still scrutinized. So you constantly judge yourself and question your own integrity. This chronic pain illness affects millions of people. Chronic means it never really goes away and there is always a reminder that you cannot function, move or perform daily activities the way you once did. Pain creates endless suffering and constant punishment to your well-being! It can drain everything that was once stable in your emotional, physical, and financial worlds.
After the auto accident, I went to doctors for second opinions and researched the various treatments that were available. I had to find my own way in a medical world that does not always take women in pain seriously. The burden of proof rested on me and yet I was the one constantly in pain and suffering. Ravaged by stiffness, temperature changes, sensitivity and pain, I wondered if my arm was really still attached to my body. Because it was an auto accident, the auto insurance company decided to question the severity of my injuries and resulting chronic illness. The insurance companies had me do an I.M.E. (independent medical exam) by different doctors than the ones that were treating me. The insurance company doctors get paid by the insurance company to do these exams! So do you think they really cared about me or my pain? Each and every time I had an I.M.E. I was sent home and had a flare up of excruciating pain. But the I.M.E. doctors were only concerned about performing well in the courtroom. Even the judge stopped one of them cold in their tracks, not allowing the doctor to use his fancy display boards etc., during the trial.
Going for an I.M.E. each time, I was hoping to learn something more about my illness and maybe get an answer for a better treatment program, etc. But I was always disappointed. Instead the doctors were usually rude and arrogant. They did not provide me with any information about my illness and made me feel extremely insecure. This created a sense of uneasiness and I became frightened at times and untrusting of these doctors that did not really care about me as a patient nor respect me. An emotional roller coaster sets in and then the doctors start to think this lady just can’t handle her pain. The I.M.E. doctors didn’t see me more than once and did a 15 minute examine on me and yet they felt competent to determine that I did not have RSD. They never asked about my life before RSD, the one I desperately wanted back. Sometimes it’s like I daydream and think about the way I used to participate in a variety of sports and activities without limitations or pain! Well I guess they never think outside of the box and try to find out what is really going on with a patient! As I write this I am still being treated for RSD, my health insurance company and treating doctors / therapists still stand by this diagnosis…
You see, we live in a very litigious society and we do not always have the compassion for others that are in pain and women in general are not taken seriously. I went through a five day jury trial and they believed that my medical expenses could be reimbursed, but forth coming into the future I would not need any more treatments or care from doctors for an illness that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life! That was over four years ago and I still am on medications for RSD, receive therapies weekly and various treatments from my doctors. There are times when I still question myself and wonder if there is anything else I could be doing—so I still seek out new therapies and do research. I am a woman in pain but I am not going to give up my right as a human being whom is entitled to wellness.
With pain you can either succumb to it or never give in to it. With a lot of help I have been able to step outside of the box of living with RSD! Thinking outside of the box is available to each one of us. We must search and discover from within what works best. As women in pain its time to take a stand, that’s why I have become an advocate for myself and others. Learn not to judge others so quickly as we do not all walk in the same steps of life… I am still redirecting myself and learning along the way what best suits my individual needs as I continue on the path to healing towards wellness. I hope that you will do the same.
Wishing you wellness…